The Arc of Infinity is pleased to report the resounding success of the years first official sitting of the bi-annual "Enquiries into the Misappropriation of the Spirit of The Australian Game at the hands of the corrupt and shadowy figures of the Australian Football League and the fraternity of umpire banditry" which took place recently in the traditional surrounds of the nations capital. As always, the function of these formal gatherings (coined "homo holidays" by the rather vulgar Lady Malmsteen] is to broadly discuss the state of the game, expose flaws in the Demetriou/Anderson/Geishen axis of evil and test the individual members kicking efficiency and gut running capabilities.
Formalities began on Friday night at the Ainslie Footy Club, where the Arc assembled before the big screen following the traditional Vietnamese banquet. The Saints / Carlton blockbuster was a lively affair, punctuated by the world's most annoying Carlton supporter [a bold call I know] repeatedly doing a Rex Hunt "yibadda yibbada" following each Blues goal [now see what I mean?]. Why someone would wish to enrage the Arc in such a manner and consequently put his life in danger was a mystery to all. Fortunately the Arc used it's legendary powers of meditation to transcend the annoyance and channelled it's energies into drafting the 2009 all Australian team. The documentation has been forwarded to Gerard Healy with the expectation it's recommendations be followed implicitly. The Arc will know if it has been dishonoured if Dan Jackson fails to make the side.
Later that night the Arc encountered what can charitably be described as a fucking dickhead clad in a druids robe brandishing a staff on a median strip. Even the Arc's incontestable wisdom was at a loss as to what the fuck he was up to.
Come Saturday and it was time to support grass roots footy. Unlike some jack booted, ivory tower residing, lord of darkness AFL supremos we could mention - the Arc is not too big to get along to local leagues playing at piss ant grounds with third world facilities at a standard which is flat out embarrassing. In this case it was the hard running Ainslie 3rds taking on the might of the Murrumbidgee Juggernauts in the ACT AFL 3rd division. The Arc was looking forward to observing a young prodigy by the name of Alex "Mad Dog" MacKenzie who they viewed as the line breaking ace up the Ainslie sleeve. The Arc believed the attack dog would be best utilised if played one out in the goal square with some limited time on the ball as a burst player.
This view was unfortunately not shared by Ainslie coach Trev who dropped Macca to water running duties. Needless to say this foolish example of Trevistic coaching principles gone mad came back to boot Trev in the nuts as Murrumbidgee Juggernauts smashed the Ainslie Roo's by a fucking shitload (the Arc is embarrassed to put a figure to it, that and the Beards abacus cannot calculate such a high total). The Arc could only shake it's collective head on the sidelines and ponder the absurdity of those who ignore it's prudent advice.
Later that evening the Arc reconvened at the Ainslie footy club to observe a titanic struggle between the West Coast and Richmond powerhouses. The game provided much entertainment with Luke McGuane and Dan Jackson's silky kicking skills providing a rich cocktail of horror and hilarity. Fortunately the power of good prevailed and the one sided and parochial Richmond crowd saw the Tiges get home.
Sadly the trip home was underwhelming in comparison to the previous evening as Flogram - Lord of the Median Strip had been held up at the battle of Helm's Deep and was nowhere to be seen.
No comments:
Post a Comment