Machen Sie was ich sage oder sterbe!

By Chef der Arc De-Nazification of The Australian Game, Grand Admiral Jaso Fontaine

It will come as no surprise to Arc adherents around the globe that yet another of its long held 3 dimensional truth nuggets has finally been acknowledged in the capitalist dominated ‘free press.’

Since time immemorial the Arc of Infinity, in its sacred role as Keepers of the Sacred Parchments of the Australian Game (K-SPAG), has claimed that Grand Arch Duke of Evil and Kapitalismus, Andrew Demetriou, has time and again placed his own agenda, and that of capital, ahead of the greater good of the Australian Game. Such was the case when Demetriou spearheaded the advance of two illegitimate teams into the AFL, namely the Gold Coast Scums and the Greater Western Sydney Compliants. So it comes as no surprise to the Arc to read of Demetriou’s megalomaniacaly contemptuous behavior when meeting a delegation from the Tasmanian Government who came to press their claims for the AFL’s 18^th licence in 2008.

The Arc are no fans of the political parasitic class who claim an adherence to democratic principles but, when the Premiere of a State fronts up to push for the inclusion of a Tasmanian team in the supposed national competition, a certain level of respect should be forthcoming to that vermin infested class. The Great Nonce of Evil made the delegation wait in the lobby (not having informed his front desk they were even coming) for 15 minutes. The Great Ballbag of Evil was also quoted as saying that despite the bid ticking all economic boxes Tasmania would not get a licence. Indeed we know that the Great Bastard of Evil has only ever eyed dollars in the west of Sydney and in the vapid, shallow surrounds of the Gold Coast thus condemning an Australian Game loving state to football’s equivalent of Treblinka.

The utter contemptuous manner in which the Great Polesmith of Evil treated the delegation is nothing less than embarrassing and an affront to everything the Australian Game stands for. What next Mein Fuhrer? A pogrom against common sense? An annexing of truth and beauty? This cavalier, Aryan behaviour only serves to reinforce what the Arc has known all along. The AFL headed by the Great Arse of Evil is a corrupt and illegitimate organisation hell bent on market share, brand positioning and profit margins. And all this while the Arc’s well-armed and powerful invasion fleet of sagacity steams headlong into the light.

What are the odds?

By Arc Minister for Media and Broadcasting Analysis, Foxy Malmsteen.

AFL players and their gambling proclivities have been on the football media agenda recently and as such Fox Sports show AFL 360 have been all over it, helping the general public understand the ins and outs, as if they were explained by the Dude himself. As usual Gerard Whateley and Mark "Robbo" Robinson attempted to highlight the serious nature of their show and it's investigations and as usual failed fucking miserably.

Robbo was at his the intermittently speaking, pious best when revealing several un-named insiders [Robbo: Mebourne's answer to Woodward and Bernstein] told him gambling was a bigger problem with young players than illicit drug use. Robbo spoke solemnly about the gravity of the situation in short phrases punctuated by gulping for air in his patented fish on the beach manner, and generally acting as if he was deeply troubled by the situation.

That's great. However only 20 minutes prior at the shows opening, when asked what he was excited about this weekend - the voluminous nincompoop nominated some nag in a horse race, excitedly discussing the money he had on it and at what odds. Now Robbo may be a responsible gambler and what he does with his own money is his own concern. Whats more he's just a footy journo not a campaigner for serious social issues. HOWEVER if he is as genuinely concerned and serious about the issue as he attempted to portray later in the show - wouldn't a simple way of showing it be not to big up gambling on a horse race during a national telecast of a football show WHERE IT HAS NO FUCKING PLACE ANYWAY?!? He is deliberately crowbarring positive gambling talk into a footy show and is thus PART OF THE TITTING PROBLEM!! This is not the first time he has spent time on AFL360 gabbing about horse racing either which brings me to another point.

Overlooking the whole gambling as a social issue thing, Horse racing is STUPID AND I DON'T CARE ABOUT IT. And talking about it on a subscription tv channel that I pay a fair chunk of coin for solely to satiate my footy fix IS LIABLE TO INFURIATE MY NUTS OFF. If I wanted to listen to horse racing news I would head down town and hang out with the charismatic movers and shakers at the TAB, or perhaps fling myself off the nearest cliff given the lack of apparent purpose and worth my shitty life now has.

The Arc politely requests that Robbo make his mind up whether he believes gambling to be a serious issue he wishes could be addressed , or just something that can easily fill 500 words by quitting time so he can get down to the TAB to plonk 200 on Mouth Breather in the 5th at Dapto. You can't have your cake and eat it Robbo, despite the overwhelming evidence you have compiled at your local cake shop.