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By Chef der Arc De-Nazification of The Australian Game, Grand Admiral Jaso Fontaine

It will come as no surprise to Arc adherents around the globe that yet another of its long held 3 dimensional truth nuggets has finally been acknowledged in the capitalist dominated ‘free press.’

Since time immemorial the Arc of Infinity, in its sacred role as Keepers of the Sacred Parchments of the Australian Game (K-SPAG), has claimed that Grand Arch Duke of Evil and Kapitalismus, Andrew Demetriou, has time and again placed his own agenda, and that of capital, ahead of the greater good of the Australian Game. Such was the case when Demetriou spearheaded the advance of two illegitimate teams into the AFL, namely the Gold Coast Scums and the Greater Western Sydney Compliants. So it comes as no surprise to the Arc to read of Demetriou’s megalomaniacaly contemptuous behavior when meeting a delegation from the Tasmanian Government who came to press their claims for the AFL’s 18^th licence in 2008.

The Arc are no fans of the political parasitic class who claim an adherence to democratic principles but, when the Premiere of a State fronts up to push for the inclusion of a Tasmanian team in the supposed national competition, a certain level of respect should be forthcoming to that vermin infested class. The Great Nonce of Evil made the delegation wait in the lobby (not having informed his front desk they were even coming) for 15 minutes. The Great Ballbag of Evil was also quoted as saying that despite the bid ticking all economic boxes Tasmania would not get a licence. Indeed we know that the Great Bastard of Evil has only ever eyed dollars in the west of Sydney and in the vapid, shallow surrounds of the Gold Coast thus condemning an Australian Game loving state to football’s equivalent of Treblinka.

The utter contemptuous manner in which the Great Polesmith of Evil treated the delegation is nothing less than embarrassing and an affront to everything the Australian Game stands for. What next Mein Fuhrer? A pogrom against common sense? An annexing of truth and beauty? This cavalier, Aryan behaviour only serves to reinforce what the Arc has known all along. The AFL headed by the Great Arse of Evil is a corrupt and illegitimate organisation hell bent on market share, brand positioning and profit margins. And all this while the Arc’s well-armed and powerful invasion fleet of sagacity steams headlong into the light.

What are the odds?

By Arc Minister for Media and Broadcasting Analysis, Foxy Malmsteen.

AFL players and their gambling proclivities have been on the football media agenda recently and as such Fox Sports show AFL 360 have been all over it, helping the general public understand the ins and outs, as if they were explained by the Dude himself. As usual Gerard Whateley and Mark "Robbo" Robinson attempted to highlight the serious nature of their show and it's investigations and as usual failed fucking miserably.

Robbo was at his the intermittently speaking, pious best when revealing several un-named insiders [Robbo: Mebourne's answer to Woodward and Bernstein] told him gambling was a bigger problem with young players than illicit drug use. Robbo spoke solemnly about the gravity of the situation in short phrases punctuated by gulping for air in his patented fish on the beach manner, and generally acting as if he was deeply troubled by the situation.

That's great. However only 20 minutes prior at the shows opening, when asked what he was excited about this weekend - the voluminous nincompoop nominated some nag in a horse race, excitedly discussing the money he had on it and at what odds. Now Robbo may be a responsible gambler and what he does with his own money is his own concern. Whats more he's just a footy journo not a campaigner for serious social issues. HOWEVER if he is as genuinely concerned and serious about the issue as he attempted to portray later in the show - wouldn't a simple way of showing it be not to big up gambling on a horse race during a national telecast of a football show WHERE IT HAS NO FUCKING PLACE ANYWAY?!? He is deliberately crowbarring positive gambling talk into a footy show and is thus PART OF THE TITTING PROBLEM!! This is not the first time he has spent time on AFL360 gabbing about horse racing either which brings me to another point.

Overlooking the whole gambling as a social issue thing, Horse racing is STUPID AND I DON'T CARE ABOUT IT. And talking about it on a subscription tv channel that I pay a fair chunk of coin for solely to satiate my footy fix IS LIABLE TO INFURIATE MY NUTS OFF. If I wanted to listen to horse racing news I would head down town and hang out with the charismatic movers and shakers at the TAB, or perhaps fling myself off the nearest cliff given the lack of apparent purpose and worth my shitty life now has.

The Arc politely requests that Robbo make his mind up whether he believes gambling to be a serious issue he wishes could be addressed , or just something that can easily fill 500 words by quitting time so he can get down to the TAB to plonk 200 on Mouth Breather in the 5th at Dapto. You can't have your cake and eat it Robbo, despite the overwhelming evidence you have compiled at your local cake shop.

The Geelong Fordball Club

by Arc Observer of Awareness Raising, Seamus Neustead

What appeared to be a non sequitur mention of the Henry Ford motor car company's relationship with the Geelong Football Club was actually foreshadowed in the header.

On Thursday, the senescent but refined Pods, who was discovered in an "end of bin" sale at Dan Murphys by the GFC, was named as an emergency for tonight's game. But the HUN has revealed that the maverick selection will not only take his place in the side. According to the witty writers, Pods is set to motor into the Geelong team against Collingwood.

(http://www.heraldsun.com.au/sport/afl/james-podsiadly-to-motor-into-geelong-team-against-collingwood/story-e6frf9jf-1225902397093)

If you think that "motor" is just an interesting way to describe a football player taking his place in a football side after being named as an emergency, think again. As it turns out, it was a great opportunity to weave into a story about a few injury concerns another story about Geelong's corporate sponsor. At first I thought the two stories were not connected and that the HUN editors must have made an innocent mistake. Of course that was before I realised that Pods was "motoring" into the side.

Don't judge a book by it's neck tattoo.

By Arc Head of Brand Dialogue, Foxy Malmsteen

Last week young Tiger rising star Dustin Martin [picture above] took time out from being awesome to get a couple of tattoos on his neck. The online and talkback footy communities, assuming this was done for their benefit, were quick to offer their assessments. Perennial Richmond basher and Foxtel caller Brian Taylor also weighed in, predictably bemoaning Dusty's new ink. Specifically, BT seemed to have a problem with the new look affecting his "marketability".

The Arc what like to know why should Dustin Martin be concerned about this at all? Maybe he just wants to be known as footballer only and is happy to leave the product endorsements to unreal guys like Tiger Woods and Chris Judd? Perhaps he doesn't crave a career outside footy that involves shilling shit for some corporate hoaxers who need Dusty's grass roots cred to trick idiots into purchasing their overpriced tat? Maybe he just likes tatts and doesn't give a flying cheese filled fuck what Brian Taylor thinks.

The irony is of course that if Dusty continues to crush opponents into a fine powder with his patented industrial strength fend off, bomb goals off either foot from outside 50, and be apart of the tsunami-esque Tiger revival you can bet every marketing cockhead in the land will be falling over themselves to get him on their billboards. That's because the advertising industry doesn't set the agenda for what sort of look or personality best sells their products - they leech onto those who create cool shit in their own style. It's why advertisers would rather access to a Beatles track than something by Cliff Richard despite the formers higher level of drug use and unkempt appearance.

So to all young exponents of The Australian Game, here is The Arc's watertight advice when it comes to managing your image.

1. Rock a kick arse look of your own choosing [If you can't think of anything go with the Arc -approved Trav Johnstone]

2. Avoid the advice of Brian Taylor

3. Just play footy.

4. Inform police you thought you saw "Razor" Ray Chamberlain acting suspiciously around a public toilet.

A Game For The People

Bloggage By Jaso Fontaine - Arc Peoples Correspondent.

Late last week the Arc offices received a call from a guy called Jason Evans. A lot of you chumps may not know who this chap is and I would be lying if I said the Arc had a clue who this bloke was. This Jason Evans person is the creator/organiser of the Community Cup, a charity event that pitches musos and staff of the Esplanade Hotel agains the those hipsters from from RRR and PBS radio stations in an all out battle for glory on the Australian Game field.

Evo called the Arc and asked if there was a possibility that the Arc as a collective or one of the members could possibly attend the event, judge awards for best on ground, just be there as sign of hope to the 10,000 or so people who turned up and as an inspiration t those who would take the field. As I am the Outposted Melbourne Officer of The Arc of Infinity I took great pride in representing the Arc at the event. Although I did decline the offer to judge best afield and passed that duty on to Rohan Connely of The Age as the Arc only passes judgment on the filth down at AFL HQ and of course others that may wrong us intentionally or unintentionally. You all think Kevin Rudd was dumped because Labor Factions wanted it so?.....Fools.

Without a hint of irony I have to report the Arc could not approve of this event any more if it wanted to. It gets a massive and thunderous wax seal of approval slammed on one the Arc's official approval parchments.

This game embodied almost everything the Arc believes the Australian Game is; a game for the people; it was under officiated; it had women umpires who let the game flow; it had people playing the game that looked like footballers; hair, beards, head bands, big guts; there was mud; they kicked the ball and tried not to handball it; there were numerous streakers and most importantly the PEOPLE WERE ALLOWED ON THE GROUND AT EVERY BREAK TO KICK THE BALL AROUND!

What a glorious sight it was to see hundreds of balls flying through the air at one time. People being unexpectedly hit in the head with errant balls, people being violently knocked to the ground as THE PEOPLE flew against each other in contests.

This event and its organisers received something from the people that the scum at the AFL will never have. A grade, prime fucking respect.

Hey Demetriou you fucking capitalist ball bag, give us the game back and while you're at it put Razor Ray Chamberlain back on the sex offenders register!

Sham posing as comment

By Arc Arbiter of Omniscient Retrospective Future Thinking – Jaso Fontain

On the eve of the Arc's first Plenary Session on Strategies to Bring the AFL to its knees , the Arc’s prognostications have been borne out yet again by reality. Last year the Arc opined the depths that umpiring had plumbed and the precarious position that it had left the Australian Game in. The Arc also argued that the corrupt and evil AFL legislated to protect umpires from any criticism from those involved in the game. The Arc also suggested that the media were complicit in the AFL’s attempts at silencing dissent by not vehemently attacking the petit despotic law keepers. The Arc’s omniscience cannot be questioned after it also called for greater scrutiny of the Chief petit despot himself Jeff Gieschen and the lengths this corrupt running dog of the AFL will go to protect his vile little charges. Only last week the Arc tackled Chief Giesch head on over his defense of umpire cockhead (umpire Matthew Nicholls) after he paid an offensive and game destroying free kick against Sydney’s Shane Mumford for touching North’s David Hale.

It appears that the Arcs wisdom could no longer be ignored with something sensible finally coming from the keyboard of Herald Sun chief football writer Mike Sheahan. General Sheahan urges the AFL’s head propagandist and minister for lies Adrian Anderson to take Chief Giesch to task over some of the decisions made in last weekends round.

The Arc applauds the usually placid and non-revolutionary Sheahan for finally having something to say on this massive issue. While he raised the issue and declared that interpretations of interpretations are confusing (just like that sentence) and possibly even wrong (lets not go too carried away) the Arc condemns Sheahan for not going far enough.

Chief Giesch should be sacked and the umpires made to sit in a room with rabid members of each teams cheer squad (with the exception of illegitimate teams such as West Coast, Adelaide and Fremantle, who deserve to be on the receiving end of poor umpiring decisions) and defend their poor and ridiculously bureaucratic decisions.

But the lack of intestinal fortitude is hardly surprising coming from a’ journalist’ who refuses to ask the tough questions and is merely a pole rider of the AFLocracy. The most damning indictment however is Sheahan’s negligence in not asking for Ray Chamberlain to placed back on the sex offenders register.

This surely is unforgivable.

Knocks to the reader's head

by Arc Media Watchist, Seamus Neustead

Don’t be mistaken, the Arc is a big fan of Brad Sewell. Despite his “backwards man” appearance and awkward gait, he is tougher than most others to have strapped the boots on in the recent era of athleticism and beep tests. He is just below Max Rooke on the Arc’s official hierarchy of Tough Men of the Australian Game. However, unless Brad has additionally been blessed with the Doogie Howser gene, the Arc has no reason to trust Brad’s medical opinions.

Becoming a doctor involves more training than most other occupations. It would take a normal person about 11 years to become a recognized medical doctor. That’s four years of university, four years of medical school, and three years working in a hospital. Brad was born in 1984, was drafted by the Hawks in 2003 and made his AFL debut in 2004 and has played a little over 100 games since. It’s fair to say that football has been a major preoccupation for Brad.

Now why the fuck are two rival newspapers reporting that Brad has given the “all clear” for his team mate, Brent Renouf, to play on the weekend against the Bombers? The story, provided by AAP, reports that Renouf is set to return this weekend on the basis of a response given by Sewell. When asked about the ruckman, who was a late withdrawal for the clash against North Melbourne due to “illness”, Sewell answered that he had “no doubt” that the ruckman would play. Nowhere did the story mention the basis for Sewell’s assessment.

Ok. This is not a criticism of Sewell. Clearly he is trying to remain positive and give its fans some hope that his team will be more competitive against an old foe on the weekend. But the media’s use of Sewell’s assurance for the basis of a story that reports Renouf is fine to play on the weekend is an utter, utter outrage and an example of the media’s contempt for its readership.

It brings to mind one of the polls from The Age recently. Under the title “Knocks to the head”, readers were asked if AFL players should be allowed to return to the field after they have suffered concussion during a game and invited to respond in the negative or affirmative. In a disclaimer at the bottom, The Age kindly reminds us that these polls are not scientific and reflect the opinion only of visitors who have chosen to participate. The polls also reflect a lame attempt to draw readers into the spectacle of disinformation.

Perhaps the disclaimer was implied in the AAP story.